Amale Bouzlafa

If you want to stop getting disappointed, stop expecting from people… This might sound harsh, but it’s a truth that, once embraced, can lead to a much more peaceful and fulfilling life. People are people with their own ways of interacting with the world. Putting too much pressure on how you want them to respond or behave only sets you up for frustration and disappointment. I’ve come to learn that there’s not a lot we can control and the only thing we can control is our own actions and reactions, so this should be our focus. 

I’ve always been someone who loves to give. Whether it’s my time, my energy, or resources, I’ve found joy in being generous and supportive to those around me. However, this would sometimes lead to feelings of disappointment and resentment because I would give so much, expecting that the kindness would be reciprocated. When it wasn’t, I felt hurt and unappreciated. I remember the time when this thinking kind of changed for me,  I had this friend who was going through a tough time. As always, I was there for her every step of the way, offering support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on. I sacrificed my time and energy, thinking or more “expecting” that when I needed her, she would do the same for me. However, when I faced my own challenges, she wasn’t there and for some reason it just crushed me… I couldn’t understand why she didn’t show up for me the way I had for her. After that It took me a while to realize that my expectations were the root of my disappointment. I had built up this scenario in my head where my kindness would be repaid the same way.. I’ve learned to understand that the thing is  people have their own lives, their own struggles, and their own ways of dealing with things and that expecting them to respond exactly how I wanted them to was unfair and unrealistic.

Expectations can be a very heavy weight, both for you and the people you place them on. When you expect something from someone, you are essentially trying to control their behavior. This can lead to tension and resentment, especially if they fail to meet your expectations. For example, you might expect a friend to remember your birthday, but they forget. And then you feel hurt and disappointed, even though it’s possible they were dealing with something significant in their own life that distracted them. Your expectation has created a scenario where their action, or non action, affected your emotional well-being. In the same way  in relationships, expecting your partner to always know what you need or want can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. No one is a mind reader and placing such expectations on someone can complicate the relationship. Instead of expecting them to know you can try to communicate more clearly.. 

So, how do you stop expecting things from people? The first step is to switch your focus from external to internal, understanding that the only person you can control is yourself. Your actions, your reactions, and your mindset are within your control. When you focus on what you can control, you empower yourself and reduce the chance of disappointment. Adding to this, learning to set healthy boundaries is essential, this means recognizing your limits and only committing to things that align with your well-being and priorities. It’s also learning that it’s okay to say “no” and to prioritize your own well-being. That way when you give, you do it out of genuine kindness and without expecting anything in return. This can be a challenge, but it is very freeing. When you give without expectations, you remove the chance of disappointment.  This doesn’t mean that others will meet them, but it reduces the chances of misunderstandings. 

This also means accepting things as they are, accepting people as they are, without trying to change them, this brings a sense of peace. Understanding that everyone is on their own journey, dealing with their own battles. Their actions are based on their own experiences, not how they feel about you. For instance, a colleague might not respond to your help with the gratitude you expect because they are struggling with their own issues. By accepting this and not taking it personally, you can maintain a sense of inner peace. Ultimately, peace of mind comes from within and by letting go of expectations, you free yourself from the cycle of disappointment and resentment. You start to appreciate people for who they are, not for what they can do for you. This change in perspective will help you build healthier relationships and have a more positive view of life.

Trusting it will bring some light to someone’s shadow,

Amale 💫💙