Amale Bouzlafa

What is family? Is it the one you are born into? Or the one you create? Or is it a little bit more than that and includes the people you choose to surround yourself with?

Like many others, these questions have been important to me for a long time, linked to the idea of belonging and finding a place in this world. As humans, being social beings, it’s very normal to reflect on the notion of family and the concept of belonging somewhere… The idea of family is traditionally seen as including parents, siblings, and extended relatives. However, for most of us, the family we come from is not always the one we feel most comfortable with. As we get older, our definition of family can change to include people who love and support us, even if they are not related by blood.

On that note, I resonate with Maya Angelou’s definition of what family is: “Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what.” Her words convey the essence of what family can truly mean. For many people, the concept of family is based on biology and ancestry, but this traditional view does not always reflect the reality of our emotional connections and support systems. In my own life, I have learned that family is more than just the people we are biologically related to…

My experience taught me that the family you find and the one you choose are often more important than the family you come from… Growing up, I was told that my “blood” family was the most important thing, that I should value that above anything else. But when thinking about what family really entails, I noticed that it wasn’t always the family I originated from that came to mind. Traveling and living in many places like Vietnam, Malaysia, Thailand, Turkey, Brazil, and more… I’ve met a lot of different communities and a lot of different people. I met people that I resonate with on a deep level, and these people became more than just community, more than friends…they became family.

On a side note, I highly advise people to at least try traveling alone once. I’ve always traveled alone and rarely in groups because of the amount of growth you gain by traveling alone is invaluable. Learning to rely on yourself, for one, but also to open yourself up to others. Most of the time, you will find yourself in situations where you will require the help of others to do things like administrative tasks, asking for the right words in the local language, finding your way in the city, or asking for the best spots, etc… This pushes you to be more open to meeting new people and building new relationships. 

Choosing your family is about surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care for your well-being. It’s about building relationships based on mutual respect, trust, and love. These connections provide a sense of belonging and security that might be lacking in traditional familial relationships. I’ve found that these chosen family members would understand me better and support my dreams and aspirations in  ways that my biological family sometimes couldn’t.

Something I’ve come to learn is that one of the most significant aspects of choosing your family is the freedom it brings. It allows you to distance yourself from toxic relationships, even if they are with blood relatives. This is not to say that traditional family bonds aren’t important, but sometimes, preserving your mental and emotional health means recognizing when certain relationships are harmful and seeking out healthier ones. For example, if you grew up in a very dysfunctional family environment. As an adult, you can choose to build your own family from friends and confidants who provided the stability and support you need.

Another important element is the role of shared experiences in forming these bonds. The people you go through significant life events with often become your chosen family. These experiences create a deep sense of connection and understanding that transcends biological ties. I remember going through a particularly challenging time in my life and the people who stood by me were not my relatives but friends who had been through similar struggles. Our shared experiences brought us closer together, creating a family bond that was just as strong as any biological one.

In creating your family, it’s also essential to reciprocate the love and support you receive. Relationships are a two-way street, and being part of a chosen family means being there for others as they are there for you. This mutual support strengthens the bond and creates a network of care that can withstand life’s ups and downs. I’ve found immense joy in being there for my chosen family, knowing that our connection is built on a foundation of genuine care and mutual respect.

Ultimately, the concept of family is always evolving. While biological ties will always have a huge significance, the people we decide to call family can play an equally important role in our lives. They bring different perspectives, enrich our experiences, and provide a support system that is essential for our emotional and mental well-being.

So, take a moment to reflect on the people in your life who truly matter. Who are the ones that accept you for who you are? Who would do anything to see you smile? These are your chosen family. Embrace them, cherish them, and let them know how much they mean to you. Because family is not just about the blood that we share, but the love and support that keeps us going.

Trusting it will bring some light to someone’s shadow,

Amale 💫💙