Amale Bouzlafa

“Expectations are the root of human suffering.”

In a previous article, we explored the consequences of expectations, highlighting how they often result in feelings of dissatisfaction, frustration, and sometimes even anger. We typically underestimate the power of releasing expectations. This shift allows us to focus on the present moment, reducing stress and anxiety. It redirects our attention away from thoughts and plans, which themselves can create expectations. When we plan, we expect things to be a certain way or go a certain way. Essentially, we anticipate outcomes that may not align with reality, whether negatively or positively. Our perceptions can influence our expectations, which can limit our ability to pursue our goals and aspirations fully.

In this article, I want to redirect the discussion to the expectations we often attach to giving, promoting instead the practice of giving without any expectations. This change represents a crucial and powerful insight. When we give without expecting anything in return, our actions align with a profound and transcendent force — something that transcends ego and fear, something not influenced by past experiences but grounded in the present moment and the pure act of giving.

Often, if we take these situations personally, bitterness and resentment can follow. The key lies in not allowing these experiences to change who we are fundamentally. We cannot control others’ actions, but we can control our own. We’ve all had this experience: giving generously without receiving reciprocity, strongly defending or supporting others without gaining support in return. I know I’m not the only one who has had these experiences… 😅Often, if we take these situations personally, bitterness and resentment can follow. The key lies in not allowing these experiences to change who we are. Instead, we can acknowledge that we might have placed unrealistic expectations on others or on situations. This simple reflection can allow us to question how we subconsciously create these unrealistic or unfounded expectations and start releasing them.

It’s also about understanding that we can only control ourselves. How people act is totally out of our control. Not attaching expectations to how someone will act can help us avoid disappointment. Ultimately, it’s about detaching and looking at our perspective from afar, instead of letting it fixate on unfounded outcomes and expectations. As Stephen Covey wisely stated, “The only thing you have control over is your own actions and reactions.” Giving without expectations can be very transformative. It encourages us to choose to give without expecting anything in return, emphasizing the margin of control we have, recognizing that everything in life is a choice, and promoting detachment from our often limited perspective. It purifies our intentions, freeing them from the need for approval or attention, bringing genuine acts of kindness from the heart.

At the heart of this approach is self-reflection. Constantly questioning our motives ensures clarity and sincerity in our giving. This practice prevents any residual bitterness or resentment that might arise from unmet expectations. In essence, giving without expectations means aligning our actions with pure intent, accepting the possibility of receiving nothing in return. It frees us from relying on outcomes and lets us give with heartfelt intention instead of expecting reward.

Trusting it will bring some light to someone’s shadow,

Amale 💫💙