Amale Bouzlafa

One time, I came across a sentence that has really stuck with me: “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” It brought me to deep reflection, making me think about how this applied to my connections with others. I began to see the patterns I was entertaining in my relationships, and it made me truly desire change. Reflecting allowed me to realize that if I was feeling so drained by certain connections and relationships, it was because of this very reason.

Keeping myself small, compromising to the extreme, being too loyal to the point of exhaustion, wasting my time with people who didn’t deserve it, trying to fix people or save them from themselves… I came to learn that this isn’t my responsibility. People are responsible for themselves. I am not responsible for something just because someone decides that I should be. I can make my own choices about what I accept and what I reject. I don’t have to take on the responsibilities of others, and I don’t have to save or fix anybody.

This reflection extended beyond what I initially thought. I also realized how much it was draining me in my interactions with others. I don’t have to smile all the time just to make others feel more comfortable. I don’t have to keep a soft, quiet voice out of fear of coming across as too strong or assertive. I don’t have to keep talking just to fill silence when I have nothing to say and don’t feel like talking.

This changed everything for me. For so long, I had gotten used to compromising and adapting myself to others—being flexible for people who didn’t deserve it, molding myself and changing to make others comfortable. This left me feeling drained, tired, and exhausted.

The lesson is this: You have a choice and a right in how you act! You don’t have to smile when you don’t feel like it. You don’t need to fill the silence to make others feel more comfortable. You can be assertive and speak your mind. You can speak from your own authentic voice. You don’t need to hide your strong voice just because it makes others feel insecure—that isn’t your problem to deal with.

Being assertive doesn’t mean being mean or bad. It means showing up for yourself and speaking with truth rather than lies. It means accepting your strengths and not hiding them to make others feel comfortable. And it also means being there for yourself with the true respect that you deserve—because you are important, and because you are worth it.

Trusting it will bring some light to someone’s shadow,

Amale 💫💙